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Monday, October 29, 2007

Oh, didn't you know John? Your son died four months ago.

I saw this over on Antimisandry.com. It's originally from the blog, 'Just Another Disenfranchised Father'. I imagine you may be finding it popping up in various other places around the web as well...because a story like this needs to be told. So, keeping with that thought, I'm posting it as well. Prepare to be horrified.

http://disenfranchisedfather.blogspot.com/


Monday, October 22, 2007

Oh, didn't you know John? Your son died four months ago.

Every now and then I encounter a story which makes me want to grieve and rage at the same time. Consider Jordon Lyon, a ten year old boy who dived into the water to save his 8 year old stepsister last May. Thankfully, she was pulled out, but tragically, he went under and was drowned. A terrible incident for all concerned, it was made worse by the fact that two "community support officers" stood on the bank and whined they hadn't been trained for the work rather than dive in after him.

I will reserve my scorn for that pair. I hope they spend the rest of their lives regretting their cowardice (a much misused word is cowardice, but it surely applies here), but beyond that they are relevant only insofar as their behavior provided the vehicle for their father to find out what had happened to his son.

No, he wasn't informed as a matter of course.

Oh, stepdad Anthony Ganderton got there as fast as he could, and then mom, Tracey Ganderton was interviewed on the BBC expressing her horror at the officers' wretchedness. Then there was the inquest. Should the fake cops be reprimanded or sanctioned in some way, or not? Lots of public wringing of hands, political recriminations, and general wailing and gnashing of teeth.

You'd think that someone, somewhere in all this would think to ask if anyone had told Jordon's dad, wouldn't you? Where exactly is Mr. Lyon anyway?

There is no Mr. Lyon, because Jordon's name is actually Jordon Prestwich.

Come again?

Prestwich.

Oh good grief, not that game again?!

Very probably, because you won't find the name Prestwich anywhere in the news reports of the death and inquest, nor even on Jordon's memorial website, not until 22 Sept when there is found an entry which reads:

WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME 22nd Sep 2007
JOHN PRESTWICH from BLACKPOOL relation: FATHER

You gave your life to save another. I couldn't be more proud of you son. Hero at 10 year's old.
'If I went to heaven and you wern't there,I'd write your name on a golden stair.'
'I'd give the angels back there wings, golden harps and other thing's'
Just to prove my love is true,I'd go through hell to get to you'.

Tracey!!!! Contact me!!!!
Yes. Why did nobody tell him?

Probably for the same reason that no-one told him where he'd gone when his mother took off with Jordon and his brother Brandon one day leaving no forwarding address. The Child Support Agency and the police wouldn't tell him, inappropriately citing the Data Protection Act. Now that's a good one, isn't it? The people who take the child support won't say where they send the money because, well, they just can't be bothered? They didn't even pass on a letter to her, despite saying they would. Scum. Utter puerile, covering-their-ass, snivelling, bottom-dwelling scum.

So how does John find out that his son is dead? Well, 8 years later he's watching TV and this report comes on about two gutless "Community Support Officers" who stood by while a child drowned and who are let off the hook by a half-assed claim that the kid was probably dead by the time they got there (yeah, right). It's only while he's watching this choreographed ass-covering that John realizes the kid they're talking about is, was, his son.

"It was like someone had hold of my throat and I couldn't get any words out, I just collapsed on the floor," he said.

Can you imagine?

Can you really imagine the unspeakable horror?

For years, the best you could do was to be "...on the system, the electoral register. I am available to be found if someone looks, and I've done that on purpose, so that if Jordon and Brandon did decide to look for me, they could find me." then you turn on the TV and the first thing you know for all that time about your kid is that he's drowned trying to save some unknown stepdaughter. And no-one's told you. No-one's thought to look for you and tell you.

Dear God, but the horror, the unspeakable horror. Listen to him talk about it here. Really, listen, it's well worth it. He went so far as to consult a spiritualist trying to find his sons. The pain in his voice is absolutely palpable, but he still has the strength to forgive her for disappearing as she did, saying it was nothing malicious, with lots of excuses for her. The man's a bloody saint.

But I call bullshit. There was nothing stopping her from keeping in touch. Absolutely nothing. She just left it all up to him despite being the one who left and let the grey, bureaucratic incompetants do the rest. The cops, even now, are lying about what they're saying to John.

This is not a society that gives a damn about families, this is not a society that cares about children and their parents. This is a society of indifference, of cowardice, of sustained apathetic carelessness which it follows up with a lurid interest in the pitiful aftermath.

Again, I say, damn them all.



Can you imagine? I can't. I don't think any of us can, especially those of us that are parents. The thought of finding out that your child is dead from a news report, like any other disinterested, unrelated party is...unthinkable. It's so unthinkable that I've cried all three times I've read this while I try to imagine what that must have been like for this man. I can't. I was there when my 13 year old brother died tragically, it destroyed my family. None of us ever got over it...we survived it...barely. And that was with being able to attend his viewing, being able to see him one last time, being there for his funeral, watching him be laid to rest. How will this man ever find peace? How will he ever obtain closure? And even though we all know it is not his fault that nobody thought it was important enough to let him know his son had died, he will still blame himself for not being there. That's what parents do when they lose a child. It's all about what they could have and should have done. It's seldom you hear something more heartwrenching and tragic. All I have to say is, to the father, I'm so sorry and I wish there was some way I could lessen your pain, and to the mother, HOW COULD YOU?

Sunday, October 28, 2007

All Hail the Patriarchy

Did I actually say that??? Yep, I'm sick of mincing around the issue. The fact is, society should be a patriarchy, it was meant to function that way, and I for one, salute the patriarchy. My religion is a perfect example of a patriarchy. Men are considered heads of the home, the main leardership of the church can only be male, special blessings and rites can only be performed by men....it is the personification of a patriarchy. I know, I know, how terrible, how horrible. These awful men, oppressing their women...the fact is, I know no place where women are treated better. Husbands treat their wives with the greatest care and respect...and no, I'm not referring to the kind of care you'd administer to a child or an invalid. I'm talking about the kind of care that exists when a man and a women truly become one and truly love and respect one another. There is no competition in this kind of relationship because everybody has their place. You don't see the power struggles that rip most marriages a part. People that truly understand a patriarchy understand that it is not synonymous with male oppression. As women, our opinions and thoughts are sought and respected as much as the mens. I'd venture to say more so than in most relationships because, in my opinion, there is so much more mutual respect.

I know people's heads will explode on this next one, but men do better in positions of power. Most women simply do not have the ambition and drive to do well in these postitions, and when they do possess it, it seems to me they have to acquire it at the expense of other attributes, such as kindness, compassion and human decency (see Hilary Clinton). Women and men each have their niches, things they are each inherently good at, this is what a patriarchy is designed to compliment. It's not some evil empire created to keep women down. It's a divinely inspired system to best benefit men, women, the family and society. I know in my religion there are a few women who struggle with the fact that it is a patriarchy. I, however, have never felt like I was considered anything less by being a women. Sure I can't hold certain callings, the same goes for the men. There is an organization within designed especially for women that the men don't hold positions in. Women are not allowed to hold what we consider to be the authority of God (sorry if the religion's getting deep here, but stick with me, I am making a point). I'm not bothered by this because I've been entrusted with something just as sacred and valuable. I've been given the duty of giving birth to and raising children. Good heck, how could I feel belittled with that immense responsiblity? Patriarchy is not an institution of repression, but one of organization. For any institution to run effectively, everyone needs a place where they can excel and perform to the best of their abilities. This is the function of the patriarchy. If you need an example to back what I say, look around at the state of society today, see what's happened since we decided to abandon a patriarchy. Yep, it's quite a mess.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Equal But Different

I have three amazing children. My youngest son is the sweetest thing you've ever seen. He's so full of life and joy and he is such a boy. He is seven years old and, in addition to cartoons, his favorite shows are 'How's It Made' and 'Future Weapons'. I can't even sit through an episode of 'How's It Made' and he's riveted. He loves to make things and he loves to build. One of the strongest testaments to me that gender differences are inherent came when he was 5 years old. We were watching The Lion King together and the part came where Simba's father, Mufasa, died saving his son. During this scene, I glanced at my son and could tell he was fighting back tears. Upon discovering my gaze, he quickly started rubbing his eyes, told me that he had something in them and got up and left the room. He was FIVE. Keep in mind that my husband and I never made our children feel that it wasn't o.k. to cry or insinuated in any way that a man shouldn't cry. Yet, while 8 year old daughter would freely burst into tears if you looked at her wrong, my 5 year old son felt he had to be strong. He also has always wanted to "save the day". He's not sure what he wants to be when he grows up, but whatever it is, it must include being a hero. While my daughter dreams of being a model, a singer and a mom, he goes back and forth between things like a soldier, a policeman and a secret agent.

This is what my blog title's about...Equal But Different. Men and women are inherently different and NOTHING will change that. We are born that way and fighting against it only leads to unhappiness, bitterness and confusion. Feminism attempts to destroy the special dynamic that exists between men and women by insisting they're the same. I'm sure I'd enrage many a woman if I pointed out things that most women just can't do as well as a man by virtue of their gender. By the same token, I think there are things that a woman is inherently better at than a man. Am I sexist? I don't think so. I'd say I'm honest. All the arguements and the studies in the world won't change the fact that my daughter loved pink basically from the day she was born. She was more emotional, less physical and more verbal. My boys took longer to talk but could throw a ball accurately practically by the time they could walk, were louder but less temperamental. This isn't a random result. The same result is seen time and time again by mothers around the world. Are my sons better than my daughter? Nope, they're all intelligent, talented children (that's not my bias talking either :)). They are, however, different. I teach them that our differences are what make us unique and special...I teach them to embrace them.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

MarkyMark

I've decided to start dedicating a little blog space to some of the comments made on this site and other sites I frequent. For me, one of the most enjoyable aspects of blogging is the insightful responses that are left by others. I'm lucky, in that, people far more prolific than myself visit my site from time to time and leave comments. I'm dedicating this post to a comment made recently by a fellow blogger on his site. This was from MarkyMark...I'm hoping he doesn't mind me using it.

http://markymarksthoughts.blogspot.com/2007/10/i-could-not-have-said-it-better.html


Kim,

Thanks for the compliment; I only tried to show WHY you were right in what you said. That shameful piece of 'literature' deserved to be shredded, because it's all BS. Unfortunately, I think that many women and girls have been LIVING it for far too long. Though I just found out about the Pink Bible, and indeed it may be new, I think it only consolidates what has been propagated for a long time

Now, before I forget, I probably should clarify something I said. Given the probability of ending up in a miserable marriage because a woman chose to follow The Pink Bible's teachings, I am happy to be single. At least I don't have to face misery and stress when I come home at night. During the week, that'll be 6:30 PM-if I don't have to do anything after work, i.e. I can head straight home! If I have to do anything after work, e.g. pick up a few groceries, then I'm looking @ 7:00 PM or later. The last thing I want is to return home to a nagging shrew-ugghh! I just want to eat, relax for a while, then go to bed, so I can do it over again the next day...

Is that to say that I'm glad that life turned out this way for me? No, it's not. It had been a long term goal for me to marry, have a nice woman to come home to, that kind of stuff. I've had someone like that in my life. Unfortunately, I was in the Navy at the time. I was stationed @ Pearl Harbor; I got transferred back to the mainland, and that ended the relationship. I met the right girl; my problem was I met her at the wrong time. Had we married, she would have been like you, I think; I would have been one LUCKY SOB! Alas, it wasn't meant to be... :(

IOW, I'm not happy or ecstatic about being single, but I'm not UNHAPPY, either. I guess I'm glad or relieved, knowing that the probable alternative is worse. As I write this, I'm listening to XM Radio's channel 4, which has all the big band and swing music of the 1940s on it. Just a little while ago, I heard Glenn Miller (with Sam Kenton singing vocals? I forgot who was on vocals for that song, but he was good) with 'That Old Black Magic', which was followed by a Frank Sinatra tune I didn't recognize. If you want to see how much things have TOTALLY CHANGED between the sexes, just put on some music from the '40s, then listen to something modern, i.e. anything after 1970. Or, you could watch some old movies that AMC (before it was ruined) or Turner Classics have, then compare them to anything modern. Do that, and you'll be astounded by the changes; you'll see how much things have changed in all facets of society, especially between men & women. It's when I listen to the old music I get choked up, and I have to fight back the tears, because I know what I've missed out on...

As for an old movie that shows a healthier relationship between a husband & wife, I like 'The Bridges at Toko-Ri', starring William Holden & Grace Kelly. Harry Brubaker was WWII vet and lawyer who got called back for the Korean War. He and his wife, Nancy (Kelly), had been apart for 12-13 months. They're in the bedroom talking, getting caught up with each other, when Nancy asks Harry about the bridges; earlier in the movie, Mrs. Brubaker had been talking with an Admiral, who was one of Brubaker's superiors, and the admiral told her about how his wife changed, becoming a shell of her former self, after their son had been killed in WWII, because she couldn't deal with the pain. He then went on to say that she had to face the real possibility that her husband would be killed in battle, so the same thing wouldn't happen to her. Anyway, Nancy politely asks her husband about the bridges, and Harry changes the subject to finding piano lessons for the children. He goes on this way for a bit when Mrs. Brubaker, in desperation, blurts out, "Oh Harry, you've GOT to tell me about those bridges!" Seeing that she's serious, he begins to tell her calmly and gravely about the hazards he'll be facing on the upcoming mission. He tells his wife about the strategic importance of the bridges to the enemy, and how their fortified accordingly (IOW he'll be facing a curtain of lead when he and the other US Navy pilots attack them!). He states that they'll only be over the bridges for about 30 seconds, but during that 30 seconds how they'll be under relentless attack. "That's Toko-Ri, Nancy," he says in conclusion. He then asked her if that would make it easier for her to deal with the possibility that he might be killed during the mission (he didn't put it that way, but that is what he meant), and she said, "Yes, I think so." For me, that is one of the most poignant scenes in all of cinema, not just that movie. Right there you can see how things have changed between men & women, and it breaks my heart more than words could ever convey!

Unfortunately, I learned a long time ago that I cannot live life as I wish it were; I have to live it on the basis of how it REALLY IS. For me and other guys like me, the reality is that we'll spend our lives alone, because the alternative (divorce and the ruination that comes with it) is far, far worse.

I have to wrap this up. I just got a call that my motorcycle is ready-yes! I have to go to the bank, pick up some money, then drop off my other bike for servicing. Have a nice day, Kim, and I'll see you in the blogosphere...

MarkyMark


The reason I chose to post this is because I feel it's an incredibly honest and poignant view of what many men have been left with in today's society. The fact is, the options are few, and even fewer of them are good. I, too, am an old movies buff. I've been known to start crying at odd, inexplainable moments while watching a scene from days past and know that tight constricted feeling in your chest. There is no bleaker indication of what you have then when you realize what you've lost....and what we've lost is too great to define. Although I do think it survives and will continue to survive within families, and groups of individuals, I'm sorry to say that I don't think we, as a society, will ever get it back. I think there will be movements towards what we've lost, but they'll only be imitations, fueled by people such as myself, fighting desperately to gain back what we so cheaply gave away. I think the truth is that we will never, ever truly gain it back and, like MarkyMark, that also breaks my heart...more than words could ever convey.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Feminist Sites

Well, I just made a HUGE mistake. Yep, I hopped over to some feminist sites and browsed some of the posts. I suppose if I were a better activist I'd make a habit out of keeping up on what the 'other side' was saying. Honestly though, I make a concerted effort to keep those kinds of things OUT of my life. Well, I decided to be brave and make a forray into foreign territory. All I can say is...I was never meant to be a feminist. You'd think, living in today's world, having read the type of bilge spewed forth from the likes of the Biting Beaver, I would have ceased to be surprised by the content of such sites....not so. I guess why I'm always amazed is that there are so many people that believe this. It's not so shocking when there's one or two people that I can easily discount as extremists, but when I'm faced with the reality that there are literally thousands, upon thousands of women (and men) who feel this way....well, I'm astounded...and appalled.

Let me give you a few examples.

You've read the articles--and gotten angry at the debate. Are vast numbers of working mothers bolting the career track--or dreaming of doing so? Are elite women betraying feminism by staying home with their children? Or do the Opt-Out stories rely too heavily on anecdotal evidence--while shoving aside actual labor statistics and working families' needs?

Here, they're announcing an event where they'll be tackling the 'alarming' issue of mothers wanting to raise their children. I can't believe that they consider it a betrayal for a woman to want to stay at home and care for her children. Comments such as this should really open some eyes. I think the consensus of many is that feminists don't have a problem with women not pursuing a career, they just don't think they should be guilted into staying home if they want to have a career. Apparently not. I think it's pretty obvious that they 100% DO think there's something wrong with a woman foregoing a career and opting to be a homemaker. From what I've read, a woman who chooses to embrace a traditional role of wife and mother is, in fact, the enemy.

"DIY abortions" very much available in the U.S.
I've got some good news for the women at Jezebel! Medical abortion (aka taking pills-- mifepristone and misoprostol -- to induce abortion rather than having a surgical procedure) is definitely legal in the U.S., and has been for about seven years.

Oh great! Well, I know I'LL sleep better at night. [/sarcasm] Now, I know not everybody feels the same as I do on abortion (meaning against), but it's one thing to say I'm prochoice for this and that reason. It's another thing entirely to be veritably celebrating the availability of "DIY abortions". I noticed this on several sites. Abortions seem to be the graven image for feminists. Few things rally them quicker than some 'poor' woman being unable to obtain the means to remove an unwanted fetus from her body. The way they talk about it, you'd think women were immaculately conceiving right and left and being forced to deal with pregnancies that they were powerless to prevent and thus bear absolutely no responsibilty for.

Just a taste: "I think what we need to do is to understand feminism as a prerequisite to saving the environment, to ending war, to ending racism. We need to understand that feminism is not for women, it's for humanity. Patriarchy does not work for men - they go and get killed in wars. Patriarchy hurts all of us. You know...the older I grow, the more I understand peace and stability as a product of balance, and human society is fundamentally imbalanced. Patriarchy is like the elephant in the room that we don't talk about, but how could it not affect the planet radically when it's the superstructure of human society?"


Hmmm...interesting, since patriarchy is what's allowed every civilisation that's existed from the dawn of time to develope and flourish. It may just be a coincidence, but, looking around, it seems that things have gone decidedly downhill since the feminists have started chipping away at the patriarchy. Don't get me wrong,I don't want to give the impression that I'm one of these subservient, 'walk two paces behind with your eyes averted' type women. Not at all. I'm quite determineD...not to mention a tad opinionated. That said, I believe in the natural order of things. There is a reason for natural order, it is what works and any time we've tried to mess with that order, things have gotten,well...messy.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Poems

I was going through some boxes in our storage room today and came across some things I'd kept from my childhood. Among the various school awards, yearbooks and pictures, I found a book of poems I had written between the ages of 12 and 14. It was very interesting to read through them. Many of them were filled with anguish and despair, having been written shortly after the death of my brother. There were a few that I really enjoyed. Amature though they may be, I sadly suspect that I may have been a better writer then, than I am now. One of them reminded me of a group of people in today's society...I'll let you decide who it sounds like.

More

Always wanting, yearning, hoping,
forever looking, searching, groping.
Seeking for that perfect light,
unhindered by evils of the night.

Everything they now possess,
everything but happiness.
Once they'd want, they'd yearn, they'd hope,
forever look, they'd search, they'd grope.

They found what they were searching for,
now they're looking again....for more.

I believe when I wrote that, I was seeking to convey something of the nature of mankind...but I think I unwittingly also captured something of the nature of women today.

The next one has a decidedly religious flare, but even for the non-religious, I think you can appreciate the similarities to the current state of society.

In a crystal town, by a silver lake
where God and Heaven the people forsake,
sits a crystal king with a silver crown,
a shimmering face with a frozen frown.

Around him sit his maidens fair
with fixed smiles and sparkling hair.
Their dresses sparkle and glisten and gleam,
and their faces are masked with a shimmering sheen.

Along the glistening castle's gate,
stand frozen bodies, suffering the fate
of a crystal town, by a silver lake
where God and Heaven the people forsake.


As I said, for those of you who don't espouse religion, I think you can aptly exchange 'God and Heaven' for words like honesty, kindness, integrity, honor, charity and compassion.

Last one. This one's because, well, just because I really like it.

The Unwritten Song

A child's born at daylight,
his breath is gone by the end of night.
A rich man's fortune lost at sea,
a beggar's bottle now empty.

The sun keeps rising,
the world keeps turning,
our hearts keep beating,
ambitions burning.

The child's death,
the rich man's loss,
the beggar's bottle;
it seems a large cost.
But who are we to say it's wrong,
because life still goes on like an unwritten song.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Bondage, Discipline and Rape...Oh My!

This post's going to get a bit risque for the typical tone of my blog (not much, so don't get too excited ;) ). It was mentioned to me recently that there seems to be much more activity in the alternative lifestyle department. I'm not referring to homosexuality but more along the lines of BDSM. A slightly milder, although similar movement gaining popularity is the Loving Domestic Discipline and Christian Loving Domestic Discipline. In case you're wondering, these are groups of people that believe a husband is the head of the household and as such should discipline (read spank) his wife when she misbehaves. It's not just the husbands that are happily embracing the opportunity to spank their wives, but the wives seem to be jumping willingly on board, some of them even instigating the change in their relationship. To clarify, when we're talking discipline here, we're not referring to a little role playing in the bedroom to spice things up but real, live corporal punishment to reprimand the disobedient wife. We'll leave bondage and discipline for a moment and venture into darker areas. Rape fantasies. More and more women admit to having abduction and rape fantasies. Another situation, I've noticed when visiting sites that are decidedly female unfriendly, places where the men have obviously lost all traces of respect for women, you'll often hear the opinion thrown around that women love to be treated like "whores"...the worse you treat them, the more desperate they'll become for your attention, that they loved to be called degrading names, disrespected and treated roughly.


Now I'll give you my perspective upon the aforementioned phenomenas. I do not think that women love to be treated like crap. What I do think is that they have an innate desire to be with a man who's in control. Despite what feminism has taught them, they don't really want to be independant from men. Although the feminists have told them they don't need a man, their instinctual desires tell them that they want a man. Not only do they want a man, but, at a subconscious level, they want a man who is in charge and in control. This need has been long denied and buried down deep under layer upon layer of denial. What we're seeing is the misdirected expression of this repressed, natural need. 150 years ago, before feminism took hold, I'd wager being raped was a woman's worst fear; now, they're integrating it into their fantasies. It's not that women want to be mistreated and abused, what they really want, although the majority of them are in complete denial of it, is to be in a relationship with a man who is in control. The sad thing is, they'd rather dream about being abducted and raped while clinging to their "empowered woman" persona, then to give in to their desire to allow the man in their life to take charge.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Hilary Clinton

Well, I figured since I like to express my views here, I should devote a little time to a subject I feel quite strongly about. Hilary Clinton. If you're like me, the very name fills you with a sense of apprehension and dread. Now, if she weren't in the process of trying to run for President of the United States, I'd probably only feel an intense dislike, as it is.... If anyone reading this is even considering voting for her, please, please, please rethink it. Hilary is not a nice person. I'm not talking average not nice here, either. I'm talking heinously evil. I'm familiar with the feminist stand-by that it's not a woman in power's fault if she's a complete and utter b****, because she had to be to get where she is. Well, if you have to become the spawn of Satan in order to get ahead in life, then maybe that's a hint that you're ill-suited for the job. I have little doubt in my mind that there is nothing she wouldn't do and nobody she wouldn't crush in order to obtain power. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not laboring under the delusion that other politicians are completely honest and noble. I'm well aware that politician tends to be synonymous with corruption. Unfortunately, it often comes to choosing the lesser of two evils. As, in my book, Hilary is one of the greatest of possible evils (as far as the office of president goes), there is no worse option. I'll just end by sharing one of my favorite posters with you. :)


Monday, October 8, 2007

Accountability

Aside from it being fundamentally wrong, I think one of the reasons I've always abhorred the feminist movement is because of the lack of accountability. Few things bother me more than the failure to take responsibility for one's actions. My husband loves watching the news. I'd wager 90% of his T.V. time is spent watching cable news channels. I. however, have a difficult time watching for long. Anytime you get a Republican and a Democrat on together, any chance for meaningful debate goes out the window. Why? Refusal to take responsibility. Have you noticed that they never answer accusations? If an accusation is made, instead of addressing it, they'll just counter with their own accusation. Anytime a person representing one side of an issue is asked about their party's involvement in a current problem, they never really answer. Instead, they respond by pointing out what the OTHER side's done wrong. Feminism is the same. Ask a feminist why they think it's o.k. to hate men. You won't get a response, atleast not one that qualifies as a legitimate answer. Instead, you'll be treated to a 30 minute rendition of the evils committed by men. Just like the politicians, they skirt around the question, trying to redirect the attention from their faults onto the faults of men. Ask why they advocate something that's obviously wrong and you'll get a completely off-topic diatribe on rape and domestic violence against women. If you do manage to get a direct answer, odds are, it will be a canned response; created, approved and distributed to the masses by the feminist regime. What you'll never get is original thought. Why? Because anyone who's taken the time to really THINK about the feminist agenda has seen the holes. Anyone who's taken the time to break down and analyse the concepts has seen the flaws and knows the hypocrisy. I don't know how these people (politicians and feminists) were raised, but myself, growing up, I was taught to be accountable, to take responsibility for my actions. The only people who weren't held to this standard were children, and only very young children. Once you weren't a small child any longer, you were considered accountable for the decisions you made. You were expected to own up to your actions and accept the responsibility for your choices. To me, I look at the products of feminism and basically all I see is a bunch of children who haven't been taught some fundamental lessons, yet. The scary part is that they're not children. Children can get away with this because they're not responsible for others, not even themselves. Adults on the other hand, are responsible for themselves and for others. They are often responsible for the lives of others, an obligation that doesn't belong in the hands of people who haven't learned to take responsibility for their own actions.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Government's Brutal Attack on the Family

It's long, but it's well worth the read.



http://paleo.vox.com/library/post/governments-brutal-attack-on-the-family.html

Government’s Brutal Attack on the Family
Sep 3, 2007 at 2:59 PM
I.
The decline or degeneration of social and cultural values in society has not happened in a vacuum. This decline has come about part and parcel with the rise of the Almighty Leviathan State. Through the State's meddling in society, the institution of the family has systematically eroded. It perverts the natural inclinations of men and women, their bond together and familial relations in general.
Today we observe high rates of divorce, illegitimacy, abortion, and all-around family dysfunction. Birthrates of Western peoples have sunken below even the bare minimum of replacement level, as contrast to other peoples. (At the same time floods of third world peoples are moving in, without the need to assimilate.) The intergenerational bond of the extended family has also become increasingly weak. Single parent households are becoming increasingly common. Alternative lifestyles are also higher than ever. Atomization of individuals from all social and cultural restraints has taken place. We are increasingly detached and isolated from family and community. Indeed, we barely even know the name of our next-door neighbors. Family, community, church, and other institutions are no longer looked to - - - instead man looks to the centralized State for the answers or solutions to various problems.
This entry to The Paleo Blog will outline the natural development of the family institution under a free market; discuss how the State perverts the family institution away from its natural tendencies; and look at what the Sweden welfare state has done to the family institution there, and how the United States is moving in that direction. The only way to stop the deterioration of the family and morals is to drastically cut government's interference. This may be wishful thinking, but short of that, to steal the title of a book, the death of the West is certain.
II.
As Ludwig von Mises recognized, the family institution is naturally nourished under capitalism. Von Mises did not come about or derive his principles in understanding the importance of the family institution based on "tradition" as a guide, but by his powerful and genius understanding of the economic reality and limitations the world and mankind possess. Mises reasoned that there is a division of labor for sex. It is marriage that harnesses the natural flows.
Society exists because of the inegalitarian nature of mankind and of the world. No division of labor is speakable if this were not true; that men are different and unequal to each other is a requisite. It is by comparative advantage that allows social cooperation between men that are different, men that are truly and fully human as unique individuals unlike the Brave New World of the fantasies of extreme egalitarian leftists, to all socially and economically gain in cooperation. The setting that makes this most possible is one where there is equality of the law; this is the only equality in which Mises supported. Mises reasoned that when one tries to socially engineer all men to be "equal" automatons, then it becomes impossible to enforce equality under the law. You cannot have both.
Man, unlike mere animals, must learn how to control sexual desires and instincts. There are clear differences between the male and female genders. Sex is much more important for the female than that of the male. To quote Mises in his book Socialism: An Economic and Sociological Analysis: "Satisfaction brings him relaxation and mental peace. But for the woman the burden of motherhood begins here. Her destiny is completely circumscribed by sex; in man's life it is but an accident. . . . For woman . . . sex is the greatest obstacle." There is, of course, great inequality or dependence of the woman to the man. This makes her more sexually conservative and cautious. She will have to weigh what she is doing to a greater extent. Under a complete free market men could not be forced into providing support, in case of birth. Trying to remove market conditions will only weaken the traditional bond and will encourage out-of-wedlock births and single parenting. In a free market, naturally then there will also arrive great stigmas of social and cultural pressure that will be more inclined to respect and encourage traditional norms.
Unfortunately, today the State, through such programs as TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families), take away responsibility and encourage destructive behavior. Women no longer need to be as worried in sexual relationships. Since TANF gives large amounts of money to single mothers, women can now more easily get rid of the man. This type of government program subsidizes this type of behavior. As the welfare system looks for a fault or deficiency in the family (or quasi-"family" or individual) in which to give welfare, society will by inevitability enlarge that deficiency or irrationality. As stated in a previous entry, as one gets sucked into dependency by way of government and loses his (or her) independence of freewill, all of the things seeking to be eliminated by government intervention will only amplify in the long-run, and man's actions will become distorted into a confused haze of lowered morals and economic good judgment. Indeed, as Murray Rothbard wrote about, the welfare state in New York has dramatically increased single welfare mothers. By providing incentives for this behavior, it puts a disincentive and punishes good behavior. People will then move into increasingly bad behavior. Present-orientation becomes the norm and long-term thinking is no longer encouraged.
Jeffrey Tucker and Lew Rockwell wrote a magnificent essay explaining the insights that Mises had in cultural questions called "The Cultural Thought of Ludwig von Mises." [PDF] To quote them, as it relates to the subject now being covered:
It was the “ideal of capitalism” [quote from Mises] that contributed to producing the “demand for man’s abstinence outside marriage” by insisting on “equal moral rights for man and woman.” Thus capitalism, argues Mises, discourages prostitution. Here he applies his model that whatever is in accord with man’s nature----such as sexual fidelity within marriage----is fostered by the only economic system, capitalism, that is also in accord with man’s nature.
. . . Mises viewed marriage as an inescapable social institution, part of “an adjustment of the individual to the social order by which a certain field of activity, with all its tasks and requirements is assigned to him.” Marriage, said Mises, reins in the sexual instincts of man and allows woman to achieve what nature and biology tell us is her primary occupation, bearing children and caring for the family.
It was before capitalism where women were thought as objects to be possessed of or to be slaves to men. This type of affair cannot stay for long as long as capitalism develops. Marriage develops into a form of contract, with both man and woman of equal rights. In capitalism, the sex drive is calmed and diverted for the good.
Under a free market environment, marriage would be completely privatized. The State in history is a relatively new invention in the area of marriage. It was the social intermediate institutions that defended marriage, for the majority of history. (Traditional conservatives, of all people, should know that the State could only corrupt marriage! Marriage is not to be put up to a vote. It is of no business of the sinful and secular State.) In freedom, marriage would, as Steven LaTulippe puts it, "reinvigorate those institutions of organic culture which have traditionally administered it."
LaTulippe says that
As should be no surprise, marriage has weakened in direct proportion to the advancing interference of the state. In addition, those institutions of organic culture which have historically functioned to define and enshrine marriage are withering in the face of this assault (yet another example of the maxim that statist “culture” drives out authentic culture). [emphasis his]
III.
The family institution, as Hans Hoppe says, "testifies to the enormous productivity of the family-household that no other institution has proven more durable or capable of producing such emotions!" Family brings children. They depend on their parents for support and guidance, both financially and emotionally. As the children depend on their parents, in old age the parents often depend on their now grownup children. It thus pays; there is an incentive, to instill good values and judgments. It pays to have children-----many children. Parents thus attempt to build a good relationship. They teach their children about responsibility and convey to them a good work ethic. They want them both physically and mentally strong. The more the parents be in charge of this, the more incentive and the more developed experience they have to do this successfully. It is here, with both a mother and father, that children are best taken care of. Both roles (father and mother) fill different needs of their children. It is futile to argue that the natural family is inferior (or equal) to other household arrangements. Children developing emotional or mental problems are more common outside of the traditional household. Insofar as the State subsidizes that development, it contributes to the decline of emotional strength and maturity to society.
The family system is also strongly connected with property and capitalistic production. Civilizations with strong families look to the future for preservation and continuation of their families. They thus adopt future-oriented attitudes. It is under this environment that enormous capital growth and economic advancement can take place [pdf], since the time preferences of people will tend to be low. In addition, since growth of civilizations is heavily dependent on time preference, the vitality of the family institution in society is bond to the rise and fall of society. Therefore, a good way to "measure" a society's place is to look at the family institution and the state of the culture at large.
Children provide labor potential. They not only have the potential to become independent self-sufficient adults, but also have potential to labor as children. This increases their value as children. Laws that forbid child labor weakens the family by gutting some value children have. No longer can they work to preserve the family, especially in the case of hardship. Compulsory laws of government-approved school attendance for children likewise "socialize their time." Under this statist environment children's loyalty and their education and guidance turns away from their parents and their family and instead to the government bureaucrats.
And today mothers can no longer even be mothers! Taxation and various regulations have made all of us one-half of a person. It is no wonder that both parents today have to go into the workforce. Economically the State has made it much more difficult for the mother to take her natural role to raise her children. This not only creates family dysfunction between parents and children, but also makes it more difficult to have children or to have as many children as in the past. While both parents must now be in the workforce, the children are sent off to the secular bureaucrats, to be "taught" by them, away from family.
Family life does not just consist of the nuclear family, but also consists of the extended family. It provides a framework and bond in the family to provide support between each other. It is similar to an "insurance policy." The old and elderly depend on the young and strong in the extended family. The sick and troubled on the strong and firm. There is great incentive, in a free market, to preserve a strong and healthy extended family. However, Social Security has helped shatter and cut this bond. No longer does the extended family have to be strong and healthy. The incentive to maintain this bond has decreased. To quote Allan Carlson:
The underlying act here was the socializing of another dependency function, this time, the dependency of the "very old" and the "weak" on mature adults. For eons, the care of the elderly had been a family matter. Henceforward, it would be the state's concern. Taking all of these reforms together, the net effect was to socialize the economic value of children. The natural economy of the household, and the value that children had brought their parents----be it as workers in the family enterprise or as an "insurance policy" for old age----was stripped away. Parents were still left with the costs of raising the children, but the economic gain they would eventually represent had been seized by "society," meaning the bureaucratic state.
"The end result," says Carlson, "of state intervention . . . is progressively diminished fertility, with living individuals left alone in a dependent relationship with the government." [emphasis mine] As Oskari Juurikkala writes in his "Making Kids Worthless: Social Security's Contribution to the Fertility Crisis," there is a direct correlation between birthrate declines and the destruction "Social Security" has caused the family. It no longer pays to have children because the government takes away the economic rewards. No longer, as in "traditional societies" are " family values and mutual altruism" "deeply held values."
Instead of relying on the extended family for support, individuals look to the all centralized State. The old, in a family, no longer need to look to the young for support or vice versa. The extended family loses meaning. Economically it is wise to have a large extended and nuclear family, but this is no longer true. Indeed, as just mentioned, fertility rates have fallen dramatically in those nations with a Social Security system. It is no wonder that people will thus adopt a lifestyle that is oriented to the present (i.e., time preferences will rise).
To quote Hans Hoppe:
In conjunction with the even older compulsory system of public education, these institutions and practices amount to a massive attack on the institution of the family and personal responsibility. By relieving individuals of the obligation to provide for their own income, health, safety, old age, and children's education, the range and temporal horizon of private provision is reduced, the value of marriage, family, children, and kinship relations is lowered. Irresponsibility, shortsightedness, negligence, illness and even destructionism (bads) is promoted, and responsibility, farsightedness, diligence, health and conservatism (goods) are punished. The compulsory old age insurance system in particular, by which retirees (the old) are subsidized from taxes imposed on current income earners (the young), has systematically weakened the natural intergenerational bond between parents, grandparents, and children. The old need no longer rely on the assistance of their children if they have made no provision for their own old age; and the young (with typically less accumulated wealth) must support the old (with typically more accumulated wealth) rather than the other way around, as is typical within families. Consequently, not only do people want to have fewer children----and indeed, birthrates have fallen in half since the onset of modern social security (welfare) policies----but also the respect which the young traditionally accorded to their elders is diminished, and all indicators of family disintegration and malfunctioning, such as rates of divorce, illegitimacy, child abuse, single parenting, singledom, alternative lifestyles, and abortion, have increased.
To continue with Hoppe:
At the same time, as should be clear as well but has not been sufficiently noted, from the point of view of the government's rulers, their ability to interfere in internal family matters must be regarded as the ultimate prize and the pinnacle of their own power. To exploit tribal or racial resentments or class envy to one's personal advantage is one thing. It is quite another accomplishment to use the quarrels arising within families to break up the entire----generally harmonious----system of autonomous families: to uproot individuals from their families to isolate and atomize them, thereby increasing the state's power over them. Accordingly, as the government's family policy is implemented, divorce, singledom, . . . [see above] and the variety and frequency of . . . homosexuality, lesbianism, communism, and occultism [lifestyles] . . . increase as well.
Looking at the numbers is always shocking. For example, in The Death of the West by Pat Buchanan, Buchanan documents that "nuclear families account for fewer than one in four households, while single Americans who live alone are now 26 percent of all households." "Marriage," Buchanan says, "is out of fashion." Today the culture places the joy of sex higher than motherhood for women. "One in four children born to white women are out of wedlock. In 1960, it was 2 percent." Abortions, he reports, are about 1.2-1.4 million per year. And births "to married women in the United States, [were] 4 million in 1960, fell to 2.7 million in 1996." The divorce rate "is up 350 percent since 1962, and one-third of all American children now live in single-parent homes." The signs of family dysfunction is all too evident.
As Mark Owens says: "Government programs have not only created dependency [between individuals and the State], but have allowed people to escape the social norms that were the result of centuries of successful social behavior."
When the government steps in and subsidizes behaviors that in previous generations would have resulted in great hardship or even death, a sort of social Gresham’s Law takes place where bad behavior chases out the good. Why have a father and husband around when the state will assure your financial situation? Why find a new job when you can collect unemployment for some time? The changes in societal incentives have resulted in a change in societal rules. . . . . A high school girl could get pregnant and the state would provide her with her own apartment. It would be difficult to argue that this did not exert a powerful influence on social norms.
We see that social pressures and stigmas have virtually disappeared. It is no wonder that this is so, as the State takes the functions of social intermediate institutions, there is little standing in the way to encourage people out of destructive behavior. On top of that, the State by its very interventions subsidizes these activities. The individual is no longer connected with any social norms or pressures. Interestingly or maybe ironically, one becomes like an atom-----a (false) criticism that some have against genuine hard-core libertarianism. [Robert Nisbet is right on the triangle of authority.]
IV.
The damage that statism has on the family is vividly illustrated in Sweden. To not go down the same road calls for drastic change in the operations of government here in the United States. The entire welfare system (which includes Social Security) must be gotten rid of. As Allan Carlson writes in his important essay called "What Has Government Done to Our Families?," the natural dependency and bond between members of both the nuclear and extended family have been cut off and replaced by statist interventionism in Sweden. The individual there is cut off and isolated.
The ball started rolling in the 1840s with compulsory school attendance laws. Next came laws banning child labor in 1912. Government then implemented a system of "old-age or retirement pensions." With their massive welfare state, a population crisis developed. By 1935 the "Swedish fertility went into free-fall," says Carlson, and "had the lowest birthrate in the world, below the zero-growth level where a generation just managed to replace itself."
Given the incentives set up by the state, the very persons who contributed the most to the nation's survival by having children were dragged down into poverty, shoddy housing, poor nutrition, and limited recreational opportunities. A voluntary choice between poverty with children or a higher living standard without them was what young couples now faced. Young adults were forced to support the retired and the needy through the state's welfare system, and also the children to which they have life. Under this multiple burden, they had chosen to reduce their number of children as the only facto over which they had control.
In the essay Carlson writes that the situation is a good example of what Mises meant when he said that there is no "third way" or "middle ground" between socialism and capitalism. It is either one or the other. As this crisis came into a forefront, Gunnar Myrdal and Alva Myrdal came into the spotlight with a bestselling book called Crisis in the Population Question.
The Myrdals said that there were two alternatives: one was to get rid of the welfare state or to complete the welfare state dominion over society. The first option they said was (their words) "not even worthy of being discussed." They called the family "pathological" and that these "old ideals must die out with the generations which supported them." They also said that "we must free children more from ourselves" to turn (Carlson's words) "them over to state certified experts for care and training. The collective day nursery run by state-controlled experts, rather than the pathological little family, was more in line with the proper goals of eliminating social classes and building a society based on economic democracy"
What were the specific results? With the family stripped, by state fiat, of all productive functions, of all insurance and welfare functions, and of most consumption functions, it should cause little surprise that ever fewer Swedes chose to live in families. The marriage rate fell to a record low among modern nations, while the proportion of adults living alone soared. In central Stockholm, for example, fully two-thirds of the population lived in single-person households by the mid-1980s. With the costs and benefits of children fully socialized, and with the natural economic gains from marriage intentionally eliminated by law, the bearing of children was also severed from marriage: by 1990, well over half of Swedish births were outside of marriage.
William Anderson in "Liberty and the Atomistic Welfare State," speaks of how left-liberal Tyler Cowen praises this atomized individualism in Sweden, knowing perfectly well that the welfare state brought it about. This society, however, goes "hand-in-hand with an all-powerful state that enforced political correctness with an iron hand," so correctly says Anderson. Sadly, the signs that we are moving closer to Sweden in the U.S. is all too clear. Further socialization of areas where family dominates (or use to dominate) will reap more havoc on the family.
Carlson reports that the "pre-eminent neo-conservative publishing house" book called When the Bough Breaks, uses much the same language as the Myrdals used. For example, take this: "relying on irrational parental attachment to underwrite the child-rearing enterprise is a risky, foolhardy, and cruel business. It is time we learned to share the costs and burdens of raising our children. It is time to take some collective responsibility for the next generation."
V.
Restoring the health of the family requires a freer society, one based on voluntarism and the naturally or organically arising institutions that come about through that. To end this entry, here is a good way to sum this up by Hans Hoppe:
Combining cultural conservatism and welfare-statism is impossible, and hence, economic nonsense. Welfare-statism—social security in any way, shape or form—breeds moral and cultural decline and degeneration. Thus, if one is indeed concerned about America's moral decay and wants to restore normalcy to society and culture, one must oppose all aspects of the modern social-welfare state. A return to normalcy requires no less than the complete elimination of the present social security system: of unemployment insurance, social security, Medicare, Medicaid, public education, etc.—and thus the near complete dissolution and deconstruction of the current state apparatus and government power. If one is ever to restore normalcy, government funds and power must dwindle to or even fall below their nineteenth century levels. Hence, true conservatives must be hard-line libertarians (antistatists). . . . In order to restore social and cultural norms, true conservatives can only be radical libertarians, and they must demand the demolition—as a moral and economic distortion—of the entire structure of the interventionist state