What are we doing to our daughters?

I believe that there are two distinctively bad methods of raising a child, each resulting in different types of damage. One type is neglect and abuse...this is similar to what's being done in society to young boys. Their educational and emotional needs are being neglected while their sense of self and self-worth is being abused. The other type is over-indulging and spoiling the child. I believe this is representative of what we're doing to our girls. Although the abused/neglected child unquestionably suffers more from their raising, in many cases, despite what they've suffered, they actually turn out to be better people than the children that are spoiled and never given limits or taught boundaries.

I know it's hard for some to feel much empathy for the plight of girls in today's society. After all, girls are being catered to everywhere you look. While boys are the butt of every joke, girls are being empowered. While boys are taught they're destined to become stupid, useless and often evil MEN, girls are taught that they'll be beautiful, wonderful, capable women. They're taught more than that, though. Has anyone ever watched a movie or a televisions show where a woman acts like a complete and total b**** and the general attitude of everyone around, including audience is 'you go girl'? Anyone watched a movie where the girls that were beautiful and popular treated everyone around them like crap? I know I have. I don't even like my daughter watching Disney Channel because the way the girls talk to everyone. Their role models teach them to act like priveleged princesses that are better than everyone else. I can't think of any good role models for girls in the media.

Girls are taught to be powerful, strong and independant...but they're not being taught to be good people. They're not being taught to be kind, charitable, honest, to have integrity and empathy. They're being taught to be the next Paris or Britney. If I have to choose between my daughter being strong and empowered or kind and charitable...I'll take kindness and charity any day. And no, I don't believe this will make her a doormat...I believe it will make her a good person. I've always told my daughter that the very best she can aspire for is to be a good person. I don't care if she has a college degree or a great career. If I can raise my children, girls and boys, to be decent human beings that genuinely care about those around them, that treat others with respect...then I'll have succeeded and couldn't be prouder or happier.

Female Teachers Molesting Students

I started writing this post about a week ago. Hawaiian Libertarian has a great new post on the matter over at his blog I wanted to link to and preface my post with.

http://hawaiianlibertarian.blogspot.com/2007/08/female-predators-in-our-public-schools.html

I've also noted the phenomena of women molesting their male students. Let me begin by saying that I am so sick of hearing things like "they're boys, they probably loved it". The fact that the "she/he wanted it" argument is the defense most often used by pedophiles and rapists aside; I don't care if they did love it. I don't care if every single one of them fantasized every single night about having a sexual encounter with that particular teacher. They are CHILDREN. Children that were molested and taken advantage of by adults that were responsible for their care. Children that were just as violated as any underage girl who's ever been molested by a male teacher. These "women" should all be serving jail time, the same amount of jail time as men convicted of the same crime. What they did is disgusting and inexcusable, and the fact that society should try and excuse them for sexually molesting a child is a fair indication of just how screwed up things really are.

I've been intrigued (and sickened) by the number of instances where attractive, young women have molested their students. I think most of us are shocked to find out that the teacher molesting her 14 year old student is a very attractive woman. I'll give you my take on the matter. I believe that, while in high school and college, these attractive young women were quite popular. I imagine the boys followed them around, eager to do or say anything that would get their attention. Since they were young, beautiful and female, I imagine much of their world revolved around them. I also imagine it was quite a shock for them to learn, once they got out into the real world, that the sun didn't rise and set with them, that they weren't the center of the universe, that in a real relationship, sometimes the focus isn't going to be entirely upon you. I know that a number of the teachers that have committed this crime were married. I imagine they were very disillusioned when they realized that their husbands weren't going to worship them and lavish constant attention and compliments upon them. I think the young boys represented what these women considered the best time of their lives...the time when everything revolved around them. That's just me musing. Conjecture aside, I don't care why they did it, it was wrong and they should be sentenced accordingly. Not according to the precedents being set for WOMEN that have molested their students, but according to what has traditionally been the sentence for a teacher molesting a student.

Men Are Great

Now I realize a lot of you are probably confused by that title. Chances are you're waiting for the punch line of some anti-male joke (Men are great AT...insert derogatory male stereotype here). Nope, that's it. There isn't any more to it. I figured with the enormous amount of time and energy devoted to pointing out all the flaws of man, it would be nice to devote a bit of time appreciating them...even if it is only a couple of paragraphs in my blog. There are certain pictures that make me cry every time I see them. I'm referring to pictures of men, great men, doing what great men have done since the beginning of time...sacrificing all for the greater good. I'm talking about pictures of soldiers, giving their lives to protect us, pictures of firefighters on 9-11, pushing their way UP into the towers, going to their doom in order to save lives. How many times have men faced death in protection of their countries, their homes, their families? How many men have worked at thankless jobs, never complaining, never questioning, in order to provide for their families? Now, I'm not implying that this is what men should be doing...sacrificing themselves. I'm saying that, right, wrong or otherwise, this is what men always have done and continue to do, and the very least we should do is recognize and show appreciation for that fact.

To put it simply, I love men, and not in a 'I like to sleep around and men are great in that capacity' way, either. I love and celebrate all the wonderfully unique traits and characteristics that are distinctly male. Now, I could expand upon all the contributions men have made to the world, but I won't, I don't have enough room on my blog, or enough time. Suffice it to say that due to the minds and accomplishments of men, the world has benefitted more than can be conveyed. What I will take time to do is acknowledge some of the little things, the things that tend to be taken for granted and go unnoticed. I know for a fact that if anything gross, disgusting or dirty has to be done, my husband, no questions asked, is going to do it. There's never an argument over who's going to go outside and shovel the driveway or who's going to change the oil, or the tire. I can guarantee if anybody ever needed to kill anything or venture into a potentially spider infested crawl space, it wouldn't be me. Not because I'd refuse....I'd never have to. If there's anything repugnant to be done, my husband does it. I have at times volunteered, because I know he'd never ask me to, but he says no. Not because he want to do it, but because he takes care of and protects his wife and children, self-sacrificing in the way that man have done for ages. So I say "thank you" to all the men who quietly go about their lives, unappreciatedly sacrificing for those around them. Thank you for all that you are and all that you do. I want you to know that although your are grossly underappreciated, you're not completely unappreciated.

Divorce

I've long been of the opinion that divorce has done more harm to our society than many of the maladies currently affecting it. Doesn't anyone believe in 'til death do us part anymore? It's really a symptom of our selfish, quick-fix society. I don't get my own way, I'm not happy, I want to have fun...I'll get a divorce. I get so sick of the phrase "I'm not happy". You're not happy? Then get happy, make yourself happy. Where did people ever learn that it is somebody else's job to make us happy. If YOU'RE not happy, then that's probably something that YOU need to fix. Looking for somebody else to make you happy or to fulfill you will never work. Nobody's perfect. Eventually, you're going to realize that the person you married is just as human and flawed as you are. The fairy tale will be ruined and you'll be left to deal with the reality that your spouse is merely mortal. And why should that person be responsible for completing or fulfilling you to begin with? Marriage is supposed to be about taking care of each other.

I think the only time divorce is acceptable is in instances of abuse and MAYBE infidelity. I'm sure some people would be appalled that I don't consider infidelity a blanket excuse for divorce, but if there's any way possible to salvage the marriage, it should be done, especially if there are children involved. I can't tell you how disgusting I find it that people are so quick to end their marriage when they have children. And, if we're being honest, women are guiltier of it than men. Nowadays, people go into marriage with the mindset that if it doesn't work out, they can get a divorce. Marriage should never be entered into unless you're 100% committed to making it work. The vast percentage of marriages that end in divorce don't end over abuse, they end over selfishness. Never mind the lives of innocent children are being destroyed...somebody's 'needs' aren't being met. In my opinion, if you choose to get married and have a family, then you're responsible to that. You're responsible to see to it that your children get raised in the best environment possible, and the best environment possible is not a broken home.

Today, things like integrity and honor mean very little, if they did, people would be a little more careful about honoring their vows. Vows like, 'in sickness or in health, for better for worse, richer or poorer'.....I don't remember anywhere in my marriage vows, 'until I get bored', 'until something better comes along', 'until I'm no longer recieving enough attention', or 'until things get difficult'. Marriage is difficult. I've been married for 15 years, and I was only 18 when I got married. It has not been easy, but that's not the point. I chose to get married. I chose to bring children into the world. I've always lived by the motto that you have the right to live your life however you want, as long as your rights don't take away the rights of others. I don't have the right to walk out on my marriage because it might be 'easier', because I'd be taking away my children's rights to be raised with both a mother and a father. I don't have the right to cheat on my husband, because that would be taking away his right to be in a monogamous relationship. There's a word I like to use that's not too popular nowadays...accountability. Be acountable for your choices. Be accountable for the lives you bring into this world. Life shouldn't be about momentary gatification, it should be about doing the right thing...even if it isn't easy.

What the _____???

I don't even swear, but this had me on the verge.

http://egghead.adamsspace.com/?p=86

I can't believe I hadn't heard about this until I was visiting egghead's blog (which I highly recommend). It begs the question, what in the heck are they thinking over in Oregon? I have a 13 year old boy. His judgement isn't always the best...which is to be expected...he's 13. He hasn't smacked a girl on the butt (to my knowledge) yet, but I wouldn't be all that surprised if he had. I can't believe these kids are being treated like criminals for fairly typical juvenile behavior. I can't believe they were handcuffed and taken to juvenile detention. I can't even believe they alerted authorities in the first place. What should have been a simple matter of a visit to the principal's office accompanied by a lecture on inappropriate behavior has turned into multiple charges of sex abuse with the potential of a lifelong placement on a list of sexual offenders. I don't see how anyone can look at this and not be outraged. Now, if we were to turn this around and a couple of 13 year old girls had smacked some boys on the butt, I wonder what the reaction would have been. My guess is nothing. Chances are the boys wouldn't even had said anything, but if they had, I can guarantee you the girls wouldn't be sitting at home terrified that they'd end up registered sex offenders. To think they actually charged the boys with multiple FELONY counts...it's truly a disgrace. The only possible good of this travesty? It's outrageous enough to make people stop and take notice. Yamhill County, Ore., District Attorney Bradley Berry's opinion on the matter? "From our perspective and the perspective of the victims, this was not just horseplay....People may disagree, and I understand that.'' Here's Mr. Berry's e-mail address in case anyone...disagrees.

berryb@co.yamhill.or.us

It's our job as a society to protect our children...ALL our children. Mr. Berry needs to realize that the greatest injustice of all would be for those boys' lives to be ruined over this.

Postpartum depression

I actually wrote the majority of this a little while back and was reminded of it when reading a post on another forum...

Am I the only one fed up with the postpartum depression excuses? Now don't get me wrong. I know postpartum depression exists. A very good friend of mine suffered from it once and she told me it was terrible. She didn't have any ambition, she was sad all the time....it was one of the low points in her life. She didn't, however, at any time become abusive or murder her children, and if she had, that's where my understanding would have ended. I'm not only sick of the excuse of varying forms of depression to justify evil acts, I'm sick of society accepting that excuse. I've had more than one Andrea Yates discussion that boiled down to, 'we shouldn't judge her, mental illness is a terrible thing'. O.K., mental illness is a terrible thing, but to say that she shouldn't be judged for murdering her children in a fashion so cruel that just thinking about it has scarred me for life.... You better believe she should be judged and held accountable for her crimes. We should have empathy for mental illness and we should do everything we can to combat it, but once the person suffering from it starts harming innocent people, that's when they cease to be the victim. I feel sorry for the five beautiful children she dragged to the bath tub and drowned. I feel sorry for her husband who will blame himself for the rest of his life for not finding a way to prevent it. I feel sorry for the family members who are left to deal with the pain and senselessness of this evil act. After all that, I just don't have a lot of sympathy left over for Andrea, the woman who caused so much pain and destroyed so many lives. Anybody, man or woman, who would murder their children, have crossed the line of where I can feel sorry for them. Anyone who commits heinous acts against another human being is probably suffering from some form of mental illness. Monsters such as Hitler and Ted Bundy were sociopaths. They, too suffered from a mental illness. Should we justify their actions, say that they weren't at fault because they were mentally ill? Should we feel sorry for them?

Another example, Susan Smith. She escaped the death penalty because her stepfather testified that he'd sexually molested her as a teen. The sexual abuse of a minor is a terrible thing. Under normal circumstances, Susan Smith would have and deserve my support and sympathy. But you cannot tell me that the sexual abuse Susan Smith endured as a teen rendered her unable to tell right from wrong. I do not believe that she didn't understand the implications of strapping those sweet little boys into their carseats and rolling the car into the water. I don't believe she wasn't perfectly aware of what she was doing when she watched them wake up and start crying and screaming for their mommy or daddy to save them. This is beyond my ability to understand or to sympathize. Nothing she suffered will ever justify what she did. There is no justification for acts of great evil. There are many cases of people surviving horrible instances of abuse and still becoming decent human beings. There is a such thing as choice, and at some point, we choose how we will handle the things we've suffered. Susan Smith had a choice, Andrea Yates had a choice, it was their children that weren't given one.

What are we doing to our sons?

I mentioned in my post "We need our dads" a class that I had taken on raising boys. Thinking about it prompted me to look up some of the reading materials associated with the class. I came across some very good quotes by Dr. James Dobson that I thought I'd share.

"[The] war between the sexes is extremely important for parents to understand, because it influences the way they raise their children. Feminist Karla Mantilla summarized the philosophy behind it in an article entitled 'Kids Need "Fathers" Like Fish Need Bicycles.' She wrote, "I submit that men tend to emphasize values such as discipline, power, control, stoicism, and independence. Sure, there can be some good from these things, but they are mostly damaging to kids (and other living things). They certainly made my son suffer an isolated and tortured existence until he began to see that there was a way out of the trap of masculinity.'

The trap of masculinity? That is the way many feminists view maleness. A centerpiece of this hostility is seen in an ongoing effort to convince us that 'Men are fools.' It claims that the majority of males are immature, impulsive, selfish, weak and not very bright. Evidence of that campaign can still be observed in almost every dimension of the culture."

Another good one,

"[Boys] are the victims of a long and costly battle between the sexes that has vilified the essence of masculinity and ripped into the world of children. And that is not good. Pitting boys and girls against each other as competitors and enemies cannot be healthy for anyone!"

Well said Dr. Dobson. The saddest casualty of all in the war of the sexes is the children. Both boys and girls are victims, due to the increases in divorce and mutual animosity between the sexes, but boys are affected the most. A better analogy for Ms. Mantilla to have made is that 'kids need fathers like a fish needs water'. As a wife and mother, I've watched my sons with their dad. There's nothing more 'right' than watching a father and son together. I have special memories burned into my mind that I will never forget. Images of my husband bending over the car engine with my 6 year old son and explaining how it works. Images of the three of them standing together while my husband shows them how to fish. The relationship between a father and son is a special, beautiful thing, as is the relationship between father and daughter. For anyone to villify the special relationship between a father and his children is truly an unconscionable act. I can't imagine the damage society's doing to little boys in promoting their anti-male agenda, especially boys being raised by single moms with less than positive feelings towards the father. It's damaging enough for any child to be told how horrible their father is, but when the person being maligned is the one you relate most to, the one who's your role model, the person most like you, I'm sure the damage is infinitely more significant. For a son to hear his mother, one of the people he loves and trusts above all else, promote the rhetoric that men are bad, can only be very destructive to the soul and self-worth of a boy. I've always felt that much of hatred and anger towards others stems from self-hatred. No wonder we see so many young men in trouble, when they're being taught from very young to hate themselves.

What's so wrong with being a woman?

I've come up with yet another way that the feminist ideology is fundamentally flawed. Feminists are supposed to be fighting for women and the rights of women, but really, at the heart of their argument, is the belief that it's bad to be a woman. Stay with me here. From the beginning of time, women were the caregivers. They took care of the home and the children. Women were feminine in nature, they had a tendency towards emotion. This slant towards emotion is what allowed them the compassion and empathy they needed to be nurturing. They were more modest and gentle in nature. Feminists have told us that it's not o.k. to be women. We should be like men. In order to prove our equality, we need to prove that we are just like men. Apparently, they are the ones that believe that men are better.

What's wrong with being a woman? What's wrong with wanting to take care of your home, husband and children? What's wrong with embracing your femininity? In my eyes, the feminist are much worse towards women than the "male oppressors". Atleast the men only wanted us to be women....the feminists told us we're not good enough as women...we need to be like men. Aside from the radical feminists who hate men anyways, who's really happier now that feminism has had it's say? Judging from the number of women out there complaining about how chivalry's dead and the lack of men to marry, judging from the number of angry, bitter or just plain fed-up men, and judging from the number of children growing up in single parent homes, I'm guessing not too many.

Feminism has robbed women of their identity and told them to be something they were never meant to be. What happens when someone tries to be something they're not and deny their true nature? They're unhappy and disatisified. They're forever looking for whatever it is that will make them feel whole and complete. Their relationships are doomed to failure because they'll never find someone to 'complete' them, because they themselves are incomplete. This also applies to men. How content can they be in life or relationships if they're denied the right to be men? Men need to feel like the king of their castle, they need to be the protector and provider of their family. If not allowed to fill their role as 'man', how can a woman expect him to act as a man. Everything woman complain about not getting from their man, they'd get if they allowed their man to be a man, and in turn allowed themselves to be a woman.

Girls Gone Mild?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19762075/site/newsweek/

I just have to say kudos to Wendy Shalit. Not only is she writing books on the subject of women's modesty, but she also has a blog and a website that a number of like-minded individuals contribute to. It's refreshing to me that I see increased numbers of men and women rejecting the easy morality of our society. Ms. Shalit not only promotes modesty in dress, but also in actions and behavior. What's especially heartening is that it's not only people of my generation, looking out for the interest of their children, but we also see younger generations joining in.

I'm continuously shocked and amazed by how thoroughly immodest teenage young women today can be, and like Ms. Shalit, I'm not speaking only of dress, but of behavior. My 13 year old son has an MSN Messenger account. Him and his friends sign on and chat back and forth. I couldn't believe the way some of the 13 year old girls would talk on there. Between the language and the sexual undertones, I almost felt like I was witnessing a conversation on a "Talk to real, live, hot, sexy girls now" type of site. I think it's mainly intended for shock value, but when did 13 year old girls decide the best way to be was shocking? If you look at places like Myspace, you'll see these young girls posting photos of themselves dressed and posed suggestively, often with their friends. Ofcourse, I'm just shaking my head thinking "Where are your mothers?".

At my house, there are no miniskirts or tanktops and no short shorts. The rule is there will be no dating until 16 and then only group dating. I teach my daughter that all females are women, but not all females are ladies (incidentally, in my view being a lady is a good thing). I've also taught her that boys don't really like girls that act that way. They might appear to like them, but in the end, there'll only be one thing they're interested in having with them, and it's not a healthy, mutually rewarding relationship, either. I teach my sons to be gentlemen and my daughter to be a lady. I teach them to respect others, but first and foremost to respect themselves. Some would have you believe that the immodesty and promiscuity is a sign of liberation and freedom, I think it's a sign of no self-respect. The price paid by our daughters for their 'liberation and freedom' is eating disorders and low self-esteem.

I think more and more people are starting to see the holes. They look around themselves, see the condition of society and have to wonder if we're really doing the right thing. Perhaps sexual liberation wasn't such a great thing after all. Perhaps there was something to be said for standards of behavior that proclaimed a man a gentleman and a woman a lady. Perhaps women being sexually promiscuous in order to 'have sex like a man' was a flawed concept. Perhaps we were all not only happier but healthier when it was o.k. for a woman to embrace the special qualities that made her a woman and for a man to embrace that which declared him a man. Perhaps....

You don't get it both ways

I'm sure I'm over simplifying, but I see most of the feminist influence on women being divided into two spheres. On the one hand, you've got the die-hard, man-hating feminists, the ones that promote men and women are the same, that a man better not even think of opening the door for, that consider any form of chivalry by men to be an affront. The second group, I almost find to be worse, because there's so much hypocrisy involved. I'm talking about the women that think they should be deferred to since they are women, that expect men to open doors and pay for dates but then turn around and champion the feminist agenda that they shouldn't have to behave as ladies or show any respect to men, because they're liberated females. You don't get it both ways. If you don't want to show men any respect, then be prepared not to recieve any in return. Ofcourse, considering the precedent set by society, you can hardly blame them. What do the Paris Hiltons of the world teach girls today? That it's o.k. to have virtually no redeeming qualities...just as long as you look good. With examples like that, and the lack of responsible parenting to counter it, it's not so surprising that a girl might think she need only show up and look good.

If you were to ask my husband one of the first things he loved about me, he'd relate a story to you about how, when we were first dating, I asked him if he was hungry and then proceeded to fix us both lunch. You, like me, are probably thinking 'big deal'....but to him, it was. According to him, all of the girls he'd previously dated would have whined, "I'm hungry, make me a sandwich". He'd never once had somebody show concern for and try to take care of him. Relationships should be about taking care of each other. A husband has no problem being a gentleman, when their wife has no problem being a lady. I've found that a lot of men will be gentlemen...when in the presence of ladies. I worked somewhere once where there was a lot of flirting that went on. The guys there were always making sexual suggestions to the girls, married or single, and some of the language they used was atrocious. One of my female co-workers remarked to me that while the guys would say things about me when I wasn't around (you know, the things guys normally express to one another about a girl they find attractive), they were always very careful not to say them in front of me and were on their best behaviour when I was around. They were always respectful and would even apologize for swearing in front of me. This other girl didn't understand that, but I did. They knew that I not only showed respect, but that I deserved it in turn.

My motto is to try and take the higher road and respect everyone, regardless of whether they deserve it. It's amazing the change that can be wrought in an individual who's shown respect when they're unused to recieving any. Unfortunately, the current war of the sexes, that has divided what should be united, pitting man against women, has assured that fewer and fewer people show or receive respect when it comes to the opposite sex.

We need our dads

I took a really good 6 week course once called Raising Boys. One of the main points of the class was how integral the role of a father was in the life of a boy. They told us a true story that I found very interesting. Apparently, a few years back, a major card company decided for Mother's Day to donate cards to the inmates at a men's penitentiary. The effort was a great success, enormous numbers of cards were sent by the inmates to their mothers. The company was so pleased by the response their donation recieved that they decided to do the same thing for Father's Day. Father's Day came and not one single inmate chose to send a card. None. How telling is this? If you look at the statistics, the percentages of boys that were raised without a father in the home that get involved with crime, drugs, alcohol, drop out of school....are staggering when compared with boys that had a father in the home. Boys raised in fatherless homes are more than twice as likely to become male adolescent delinquents. Boys need a dad, and if there isn't a dad who's interested in being involved in their life, then it's incumbant upon their mother to be sure they have a good, positive male role model. The theory that a woman can do just as good a job as two parents is, quite simply, wrong. She can be the best mother on Earth, but unless she can be a man, she can not be everything her son needs. She will never be able to show him through actions and example what it means to be a good man. Now, I don't mean to belittle the efforts of single moms who, by no fault of their own, are raising their children alone. I know women who's husbands decided to forsake the role of father and are struggling to raise their children on their own. They are good women and good mothers, but, in addition to the lack of a male role model, the very stress of their situation prevents them from being as good of parents as they'd like to be. I would strongly exhort them to do anything in their power to make sure their sons have a good man to look up to, whether it be a grandfather, uncle, church leader....someone that can set an example for him of what a man should be. What I do mean to belittle is the whole "I don't need a man to raise a child" notion. It's not a question of what WE as women need, but what the child needs, and a child, especially a son, needs a father.

Charity

A little off the beaten path, but....

It's been a continuing observation of mine that the best way to forget your own worries is to lose yourself in the problems of others. Charity is truly a marvelous thing. Not only does it allow us to help those in need, but it is also a wonderful tool in gaining perspective. Of the people I know who are truly charitable, I've never noticed any of them feeling sorry for themselves. If we take the time to step outside of the circle of "me" that a lot of us spend the majority of our time in, and focus on helping others, it's amazing the way our outlooks change. Pitying oneself is a rather selfish pursuit, not to mention an enormous waste of time. The happiest people I know also happen to be the most selfless. They are continuously looking for opportunities to help those around them. Whenever I hear people going on about how depressed they are, how much their life sucks, how things never work out for them...I want to tell them to go out and dedicate some time to charitable acts. Unfortunately, I still haven't found a way to do it without sounding patronizing and sanctimonious. I don't spend too much time feeling sorry for myself. I figure, life is what you make of it, if you're not happy with your life, then change it. If you're not happy with yourself, then change. You say it's not that simple...maybe not, so go and serve your fellow man for awhile and see if your outlook doesn't improve. I've been told that my view of things obviously stems from the fact that I had a wonderful life and never experienced any true pain, disappointment or heartache. Surely that's why I'm naive enough to believe that human being are even worth helping. Untrue. I've had some pretty bad things happen in my life. Bad enough that if I were to relate them I'd garner a few gasps, covering of mouths and sympathetic shaking of heads. However, as the saying goes, you need to experience the bad to appreciate the good. My challenges in life didn't leave me jaded, once again, though, I think this is a life is what you make of it situaiton. You can take the negatives in life and allow them to embitter and anger you, or you can learn and grow from them, and I can think of no better way to gain perspective on your challenges, than by helping others with theirs.

Traitor

Apparently I'm a traitor to my gender. That belief was expressed to me recently. It seems that some people feel that supporting the rights of a group outside of one's own is treason. Does that mean I'm also a traitor if I defend the rights of children? What if I rally against anti-semitism? Am I then a traitor to Christianity? And since we're all human beings, how can it be treason to defend the rights of fellow humans? This is what I don't get...what are feminists in America fighting for? Don't get me wrong, the battle for women's rights in a world arena has merits. There are horrible injustices done to women in other countries. What injustices exist here? I suppose the response would go something along the lines of statistics of the number of women that are raped, abused and murdered by men. The problem with this argument is that women are the victims of men far less than men are the victims of men. The issue is not one of women being victimized by men, but anyone being victimized. Violent crimes are a serious issue, one that should not be minimalized in any way, but we have to address all violent crime and all victims. I can see a response being that the problem is men because they are most often the perpetrators of violent crimes. My answer would be the problem is boys growing up in fatherless homes without positive male role models...but I'll save that for another post. According to some of the extremists, I am being violated and oppressed by my husband because the mere institution of marriage is only a facade for oppressing women. Well, here's one for you, I actually love being married, I love being a mom. What I'd really love is to be able to do is to quit my job so I can spend all my time and effort being the best wife and mother possible. Sadly, this isn't feasible, as it's very hard to survive these days without two incomes, but truly, the concept of being able to devote myself to the rearing of our children, providing delicious, hot meals for us to enjoy as a family, making our house a warm and inviting haven...this, for me, is the dream. To me, feminism is like PETA...a good idea that went really wrong. Ofcourse, any good concept tends to be twisted once it's taken over by the extremists.

Crying isn't sweet

I watched 'Wedding Crashers' the other night. Now, I realize it's a comedy and a satire, but comedy wouldn't be funny if it weren't based on reality. So am I the only one who doesn't get what's so great about men crying? The movie shows these women falling all over themselves to sleep with guys once they see them crying. Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to a man crying. By all means, if he feels the need to cry, he should do so, but I'm not going to swoon over it. The majority of the time, if someone's crying it's because they're sad. If I see a man reduced to tears, I'll most likely just find it very sad, not wonderful. Granted, there are tears of joy and I'd probably find it pretty special to watch my husband tear up a bit at the birth of one of our children or a few other monumental occassion, but aside from that, I'm going to hope not to see him crying, because it'll mean that something is very wrong. Is it more of the movement to prove that we're all the same? I don't want my husband to be more like me...I prefer him to be as unwomanlike as possible, thank you very much. My husband doesn't tend to cry or be overly emotional, he's not given to bouts of extreme talkativeness...in other words, he's a man.

Interesting article

In means of an introduction, I ran across this article posted on a different forum. What follows is a link to the article along with the gist of my response to it.

http://www.counterfem.blogspot.com/2007/01/for-feminist-readers-introduction-to_31.html

This is actually a very good article and I think it's very representative of what we see happening today. It's much better than anything at many of the anti-women websites we see cropping up on the net, the majority of which are just as disgusting as any of the feminist websites that villify men. The fact is, men are under attack today, especially in the media. Time and again in movies, sitcoms and even commercials, we see men portrayed as stupid, inept, and even more frightening...unnecessary. The majority of men seem to take this in stride, but I have to wonder at the effect it has on our sons who see women most often portrayed in a far more flattering light than men.

It seems to me that there is a lack of accountability on both sides. The actions of another, or group of others, doesn't validate our own actions. One of my best friends was married to an abusive man. I had to 'rescue' her and her children from him on numerous occassions. The damage he did to her and her children is horrific and they will be scarred by it their entire lives. Do I hate men? Do I justify ugly or bigotted actions, thoughts or feelings on my part by this situation? No. I think men are wonderful. Despite some of the evils they, as a gender, have committed, they've also done great, amazing and noble things. Along with the horrible men I've known, I've also known incredible men who I have nothing but admiration for. It would be ignorant and childish of me to group all men together, paint them with one brush because of the lesser of their gender. The same can be said for men that would do that to women. I'm disgusted by the articles on the misogynistic websites. They are as bad as any feminists I know. Saying all women are liars, whores, stupid, useless....inferior to men. I understand that this is a response to similar attacks against men, but I've never found countering wrong with wrong or stupidity with stupidity to be very effective. Women and men are different, and thank goodness for that. We each have our weaknesses and strengths. I can give you a very large list of things I'm better at than my husband, but I can give you an equally large list of things he's better than me at. We balance each other out. The war of 'who's better', is not only childish, but it's pointless. It's like arguing what's more important, the heart or the brain. You might be able to present valid arguements showing how one is better than the other, but in the end, it doesn't really matter because you need both to survive.

I saw on one website, some men actually encouraging violence against women and saying if they saw a woman being raped or beaten, they'd just walk on by. I've also seen on feminist websites, women going on about how all men should be killed at birth and society would be better off. How disgusting are these comments? To imagine human beings thinking of each other in such ugly, despicable terms. The excuse for such deplorable rhetoric is usually just to point fingers at the other side. It makes me believe that some basic childhood lessons were missed, such as, 'two wrongs don't make a right'. The way we treat others does not define who they are, but who we are.

What is this about

I'm sure you all know where I'm headed with the "equal but different" heading....yep, equality of the sexes. Personally, I've been disturbed for quite some time as to where we're going as far as defining equality. Many seem to think that if men and women are equal than that must mean that they are the same. Men and women are not and never will be the same. If you're religious (like I am) you understand that it is all part of God's grand design and that we are perfectly suited to complement each other. If you're not, then you realize that men and women evolved to best survive, each equipped with their own unique traits and abilities. Whether the insight of a higher power or the work of nature, it's all the same. Nowadays we see a lot of sites on the web by the misogynists and misandrists; vile, hateful places, seeing who can be the ugliest. The women, saying that men do nothing but evil and the world would be better off without their maligning influence; the men saying that women are subhuman, their only worth being what use they can be put to sexually. What a far, far way we've come from the days when men were their wive's heros, and women were cherished as wives and mothers. Now, believe it or not, this does still exist. I'm here to bare witness that there are men that love and cherish their wives and women who feel the same way about their husbands, but sadly, they are far from the norm. "Normal" is a 50% divorce rate, mutual infidelity dishonesty and selfishness. In my blog, I plan on musing over many topics, such as the rise of misandry and misogyny, the attack on men, feminism and what it's evolved into, the decay of morals and values in today's society, and the effect on our children of growing up in fatherless homes....among other things. To touch upon why I felt the need to start this blog, well, let's just say I was compelled. After reading much of the disparaging of men and women by the opposite sex that occurs on the web, I have a lot to say on the matter. So, I'm starting my own blog, where I can express my views (even if I'm the only one reading them) to my heart's content.