I've found that if radical feminists are against something, then it's a pretty safe bet that I'm going to like it. I've actually made something of a study of the phenomena. Whenever I hear a feminist denouncing someone or something, I go and check it out because I already know that, chances are, I'm going to approve. Case in point, Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I love Dr. Laura. The funny part is, Dr. Laura is far from the oppressed, downtrodden female feminists would have you believe those of us that don't embrace the feminist dogma to be. No, in fact, as far as strong and opinionated go, she can hold her own with the best of them. I find it very refreshing that here we have a woman that is educated, intelligent, successful, strong...everything radical feminism tells us we can't be under the mantle of the terrible patriarchy, yet Dr. Laura stands for everything that feminism doesn't. I've read her books, 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands' and 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage' (incidentally, both of which I highly recommend). Although I enjoyed both these books, the fact is, I didn't learn a lot from them. They pretty much just backed up what I already knew. Interesting thing is, I actually have a happy and successful marriage. Hmmm...maybe there's something there. Dr. Laura writes a book telling you that if you do these things in your marriage, you will be happy and people who have done these things in their marriage are happy.
If you were to ask people what they want in life, I bet a good majority would say that they want to be happy. I also bet that a good majority of women, assuming they'd even read these books, wouldn't follow them. I honestly believe that a lot of us women today choose to be unhappy. Many, even if handed the keys to happiness and told, "do this, and you'll be happy", would say, "I'm not doing that". If every woman out there who's married would do just a couple of simple things, chances are, they could be very happily married. I'm not talking difficult things either, here are a few that come to mind, 1) Be kind to and support your husband, 2) Show appreciation for your husband, 3) Be affectionate and intimate with your husband. There they are. Nothing groundbreaking. As a matter of fact, they're what should be a given in a marriage. The fact that they're not a given in a marriage is a primary reason why people aren't happy and marriages aren't working. The problem is, most women won't do these things to fix their marriage because the very first thing they'll say is "why should I have to be the one to....?" or "what about him?". They're more worried about being right than being happy. Marriage isn't supposed to be about being right or proving a point. It's not supposed to be a competition or a battle to see who comes out on top. Marriage is supposed to be about unity, partnership, commitment...taking care of one another instead of looking out for oneself.
An important thing to remember in marriage is that men and women are different and different things matter to us and make us happy. If there's something your husband wants that would make him happy (like you wearing that black lace teddy to bed), it might seem stupid or trivial to you, but it matters to him. Unless there are relevant, important reasons not to do these little things to make him happy, why not do them? Keep in mind that the things that are important to you, might very well seem stupid and trivial to him (like noticing your new haircut or remembering to make special plans for Valentine's Day). Marriage is like anything else in life, you get out of it what put into it. If you stop worrying about getting yours, and put everything you have into your relationship, without selfish concerns, you will get back what you give. Unfortunately, today many people are too selfish to truly put themselves out there like that to ever find out if it works. I'll stand as a witness that it does work, that I've personally tried this experiment and found it a success. What I've found is that a husband who is supported and loved is happy and wants nothing more than to make his wife happy.
6 hours ago