I've found that if radical feminists are against something, then it's a pretty safe bet that I'm going to like it. I've actually made something of a study of the phenomena. Whenever I hear a feminist denouncing someone or something, I go and check it out because I already know that, chances are, I'm going to approve. Case in point, Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I love Dr. Laura. The funny part is, Dr. Laura is far from the oppressed, downtrodden female feminists would have you believe those of us that don't embrace the feminist dogma to be. No, in fact, as far as strong and opinionated go, she can hold her own with the best of them. I find it very refreshing that here we have a woman that is educated, intelligent, successful, strong...everything radical feminism tells us we can't be under the mantle of the terrible patriarchy, yet Dr. Laura stands for everything that feminism doesn't. I've read her books, 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands' and 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage' (incidentally, both of which I highly recommend). Although I enjoyed both these books, the fact is, I didn't learn a lot from them. They pretty much just backed up what I already knew. Interesting thing is, I actually have a happy and successful marriage. Hmmm...maybe there's something there. Dr. Laura writes a book telling you that if you do these things in your marriage, you will be happy and people who have done these things in their marriage are happy.
If you were to ask people what they want in life, I bet a good majority would say that they want to be happy. I also bet that a good majority of women, assuming they'd even read these books, wouldn't follow them. I honestly believe that a lot of us women today choose to be unhappy. Many, even if handed the keys to happiness and told, "do this, and you'll be happy", would say, "I'm not doing that". If every woman out there who's married would do just a couple of simple things, chances are, they could be very happily married. I'm not talking difficult things either, here are a few that come to mind, 1) Be kind to and support your husband, 2) Show appreciation for your husband, 3) Be affectionate and intimate with your husband. There they are. Nothing groundbreaking. As a matter of fact, they're what should be a given in a marriage. The fact that they're not a given in a marriage is a primary reason why people aren't happy and marriages aren't working. The problem is, most women won't do these things to fix their marriage because the very first thing they'll say is "why should I have to be the one to....?" or "what about him?". They're more worried about being right than being happy. Marriage isn't supposed to be about being right or proving a point. It's not supposed to be a competition or a battle to see who comes out on top. Marriage is supposed to be about unity, partnership, commitment...taking care of one another instead of looking out for oneself.
An important thing to remember in marriage is that men and women are different and different things matter to us and make us happy. If there's something your husband wants that would make him happy (like you wearing that black lace teddy to bed), it might seem stupid or trivial to you, but it matters to him. Unless there are relevant, important reasons not to do these little things to make him happy, why not do them? Keep in mind that the things that are important to you, might very well seem stupid and trivial to him (like noticing your new haircut or remembering to make special plans for Valentine's Day). Marriage is like anything else in life, you get out of it what put into it. If you stop worrying about getting yours, and put everything you have into your relationship, without selfish concerns, you will get back what you give. Unfortunately, today many people are too selfish to truly put themselves out there like that to ever find out if it works. I'll stand as a witness that it does work, that I've personally tried this experiment and found it a success. What I've found is that a husband who is supported and loved is happy and wants nothing more than to make his wife happy.
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"They're more worried about being right than being happy."
I'd say obsessed with being precieved by others, as right, despite what may actually be contrary in their hearts.
Just expanding my own thoughts on what you may, or may not, have implied.
Good stuff!
@captdmo
@captdmo
Exactly. By 'right' I mean as in winning the argument or not admitting they're wrong...definitely not as having the moral high ground.
Kim said:
I honestly believe that a lot of us women today choose to be unhappy. Many, even if handed the keys to happiness and told, "do this, and you'll be happy", would say, "I'm not doing that".
Of course. Happiness and getting along with others isn't dramatic. Many, many, women are addicted to drama. They need it in their lives. If it's not there, they'll try to create it, regardless of whether it wrecks marriages and ruins lives. Stability and harmony are absolutely anathema to such women.
Sorry Kim and Egghead, but I have to speak up.
What is making the female dramatic?
We must go deeper to find these answers. Sometimes we as females don't realise how hard a road is that we chose. And that is for males too.
It is a scary world out there.
BTW, in the 70s, Dr. Laura was an atheist feminist herself...before becoming a religious conservative/anti-feminist.
Anonymous 4:03 - the fact that people can learn and change is what give me hope. An example of someone who has turned around is Teri Stoddard.
Julie -
To be perfectly honest, I don't know what makes these women attracted to drama. I didn't say it was all women, because obviously it isn't. But it is a disconcerting majority. Is it an inborn tendency? Or environmentally induced? Personally, I suspect that the level of dysfunctionality of the girl's family of origin may have something to do with it. She probably will be modelling in her own relationships the type of relationship she saw her parents having, because she will see whatever that was like as "normal."
A hypothesis as to what makes female dramatici:
Imitation and addiction. Young girls have a tendency to imitate each other in matters of the heart, call it emotional fashion. This fashion is fueled by an endless stream of drama on television, in books and in other media. Something in the genetic makeup of many women makes them really, really like drama, probably because it focuses attention on them and is highly emotional. Drama templates are spoonfed to them from adolescence onward, for the purpose of creating an addiction. A very lucrative addiction.
Seen in that light, soaps and cheap romantic novels are porn for women. Once hooked, you have a client for life. The desire will consume them until all that is left is a black void sucking the life out of her environment.
In short: amoral capitalist media are the cause.
The Amish have a point.
To the sad geek,
That is strange that you mention the media and the likes.
Our country is spending half a million $$$ on a study for 50 girls to see how the media affects them. Many of the tax payers find this outrageous but it may have some benefit. Hopefully it won't be used as another attempt to turn them more to feminism.
Regarding the dramatic, I think both egghead and the sad geek make very good points. I also think it's indicative of a general disatisifaction that women have with their lives. I think women have lost their identity. What's been presented to them by society as 'happiness' has left them feeling incomplete and unsatisfied. They seek the drama to fill the void.
@kim
So, the women are dissatisfied. Ofcourse they will be. Feminism promised them a great life - they could have it all...a good education, great career, nice husband, nicer kids... But what women forgot is that they could have anything, but not everything. They either forgot to make a choice or they got confused between the large number of choices that feminism opened for them. Feminism only promised them opportunities, and not outcomes.
So women go study at a top college and have a high-paying job. Thank you, feminism ! The same women then find themselves single and childless at 35 and no guys around... Screw you, feminism !
A lot of women would be happy to be a mother-at-home and raise their kids...maybe even homeschool them. But no, feminism says its wrong - so out go these women into the workforce, leaving their families - no wonder the children are so screwed up.
Not to blame all women for the confusion - let's have a look...
There's socialist feminism and libertarian feminism, sex-positive feminism and sex-negative feminism, pro-choice feminism and pro-life feminism, equality feminism and difference feminism - whatever you say, there is at least one feminist to say that you are wrong.
Feminism has led to the masculinzation of women and feminization of men - and many men and women seem to have lost themselves in a neuterized, uni-sexualized, androgynous society. It is upto them to take back their identities.
I couldn't agree more with your assessment. As a 29 year old man just coming out of a relationship with a 23 year old woman (the end being her decision), my greatest struggle with her was her insistence that relationships should never "get in the way" of her career goals, her social life, her need to be alone sometimes, her fun time, etc. NEVER. Additionally, she set the rules pretty early on that expecting her to express emotions about me (or anything really) was a no no, as was me expressing emotions about her or anything. It was sad to discover, also, that she had slept casually with many guys before me and regarded sex as no big deal. That it's something you do for the hell of it. I was very romantic with her, but never got it back. When I'd press for it, I was shot down, argued with, told that romance is a waste of time (with everything else life demands), and eventually walked away from. Until I'd initiate contact, prostrate myself and offer an apology for pushing it. I've just relocated to a new area (not too far away) and a new job and her support of the uneasiness about the change has been non-existent. "Why aren't you happy? This is a great change for you. I'm annoyed that you want to call me so much because you're stressed. I have stuff to do." I push and get upset, etc........finally I get the axe. This time, though, I'm not initiating anything. I'm letting it go because I just can't take getting my teeth kicked in one more time.
Of course, all of this begs the question: Why did I stick around for so long? Why did I go back time and again? Well, she'd throw me a crumb, tell me how much she loves me, so so much, I'm so amazing etc. I'd fall for it and then back to the same.
I allowed her to strip me of my manhood, my dignity, because I loved and expected it back. I made sacrifices. I expected the same in return. But for her, love is simply an entertainment to be enjoyed without emotional involvement, and without obligation, and if a man presses it, he's history.
Guess I didn't want to follow the "rules"!!!
One of her parting comments to me was "I don't want to be responsible to anyone anymore." I remember replying with:"Suppose you're a wife and mother one day; will you up and leave when it requires more than you think you have to give?"
Her response was:"I don't see myself ever being a wife and mother."
Her mother was a bra-burning boomer.
I can't say for sure how similar my experience is to others of my age-group, but I know this trend increases all the time among the 21-26 female age group. You can see it in their eyes at the bars, clubs, whatnot.
Men just "get in the way."
@anonymous
Exactly.
@ justin
I think your situation is, unfortunately, fairly common these days, Justin. Sadly, you're one more nice guy at risk of ending up disillussioned and bitter...another casualty of the feminist cause. She doesn't know if yet, but your ex is another casualty. She'll keep pursuing what she's been convinced she wants, find out if doesn't make her happy after all and start looking for what she could have had all along...a meaningful relationship. Ofcourse, by the time she does, she won't be in her early 20's anymore and the available men in her age group will all have also been victimized by feminism and not want anything to do with a 'meaningful relationship'...and thus continues the cycle.
If happiness is defined as the difference between reality and one's expectations, it is easy to see why so many women and men are unhappy with each other. Women have been convinced that not only can they have it all, but that they deserve it all, as well. Men continue to cling to the idea that if they love her, a woman will put him first in her life. These days, those are both ridiculous assumptions.
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