I believe that there are two distinctively bad methods of raising a child, each resulting in different types of damage. One type is neglect and abuse...this is similar to what's being done in society to young boys. Their educational and emotional needs are being neglected while their sense of self and self-worth is being abused. The other type is over-indulging and spoiling the child. I believe this is representative of what we're doing to our girls. Although the abused/neglected child unquestionably suffers more from their raising, in many cases, despite what they've suffered, they actually turn out to be better people than the children that are spoiled and never given limits or taught boundaries.
I know it's hard for some to feel much empathy for the plight of girls in today's society. After all, girls are being catered to everywhere you look. While boys are the butt of every joke, girls are being empowered. While boys are taught they're destined to become stupid, useless and often evil MEN, girls are taught that they'll be beautiful, wonderful, capable women. They're taught more than that, though. Has anyone ever watched a movie or a televisions show where a woman acts like a complete and total b**** and the general attitude of everyone around, including audience is 'you go girl'? Anyone watched a movie where the girls that were beautiful and popular treated everyone around them like crap? I know I have. I don't even like my daughter watching Disney Channel because the way the girls talk to everyone. Their role models teach them to act like priveleged princesses that are better than everyone else. I can't think of any good role models for girls in the media.
Girls are taught to be powerful, strong and independant...but they're not being taught to be good people. They're not being taught to be kind, charitable, honest, to have integrity and empathy. They're being taught to be the next Paris or Britney. If I have to choose between my daughter being strong and empowered or kind and charitable...I'll take kindness and charity any day. And no, I don't believe this will make her a doormat...I believe it will make her a good person. I've always told my daughter that the very best she can aspire for is to be a good person. I don't care if she has a college degree or a great career. If I can raise my children, girls and boys, to be decent human beings that genuinely care about those around them, that treat others with respect...then I'll have succeeded and couldn't be prouder or happier.
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And these girls grow up still believing this nonsense, with no sense of responsibility or accountability. They spend their twenties - when they should be establishing themselves as responsible adults - as if it were one big party. They rack up huge amounts of debt, sleep with thugs and badboys, and become single mothers.
Then, they wake up one day, and they're 30-something, the creditors are pounding on the door, social services are there about the welfare of the kids, and then they decide that it's time for Prince Charming to come bail her out, oops, I mean rescue her, and give her the McMansion, nanny, and life of leisure she thinks she deserves.
And then, when no man wants to work himself to death for her dream, and is instead marrying some younger woman, she wonders what went wrong. Oh, well. She still doesn't have to accept any responsibility for her situation - she can turn to the government and live off of welfare. After all, it's funded by the people who actually did live responsibly. GAH!
Girls need fathers in the house, but fathers should NOT treat their daughters as if they're little princesses. It does far more harm than good.
Kim said:
Girls are taught to be powerful, strong and independant...but they're not being taught to be good people. They're not being taught to be kind, charitable, honest, to have integrity and empathy. They're being taught to be the next Paris or Britney. If I have to choose between my daughter being strong and empowered or kind and charitable...I'll take kindness and charity any day. And no, I don't believe this will make her a doormat...I believe it will make her a good person. I've always told my daughter that the very best she can aspire for is to be a good person. I don't care if she has a college degree or a great career. If I can raise my children, girls and boys, to be decent human beings that genuinely care about those around them, that treat others with respect...then I'll have succeeded and couldn't be prouder or happier.
Can I have an AMEN?
I couldn't agree more about the harm we our doing to girls and society as a whole when we overindulge them and stress strength and power at the expense of the traits that are some of the most wonderful aspects of femininity, like kindness and gentleness (not to say that all women are naturally kind and gentle, but it is generally part of our nature). I have often found myself rather troubled about the meanness and selfishness I have observed in girls, as well as in young women my own age. It seems that when women ignore their femininity and try to be the way they think men are, they can display an incredible amount of cruelty. Shakespeare knew what he was writing about when Lady Macbeth implored the spirits to unsex her so that she would become capable of cruelty without remorse. I don't doubt it has had a negative, if not devastating impact on the girls and women themselves, and not to mention on all the nice guys out there who want a kind, caring woman and can't find one, or are made to feel like cave men, of all things, for it. And it has had a negative impact on society as a whole, especially children.
Feminism has gotten it all wrong; it calls strongest, most beautiful aspects of femininity as weaknesses and tells women to become like men while at the same time it demonizes the greatest aspects of manhood and expects men to be like women, and it is hurting us. (And not to mention it makes something that is fairly simple very complex and convuluted-reading feminist writings on the topic make my brain feel like it's being turned into a pretzel ;-) ).
@ egghead
Girls need fathers in the house, but fathers should NOT treat their daughters as if they're little princesses. It does far more harm than good.
Exactly.
@gwenhwyfar
THANK YOU for your comments. I 100% agree with everything you've said. Especially the part about women that deny their femininity. I've often mused about the beings women mutate into when they deny the things that make them a woman...it's very seldom pretty.
"...and convuluted-reading feminist writings on the topic make my brain feel like it's being turned into a pretzel."
Ahhhh....talk about wishful thinking! If ONLY feminist writings turned my brain into a pretzel! At least a pretzel (however twisted it may be!) has got a distinctive sense of energy and life about it! A dynamism!
And not only that, pretzels go well with beer - and after reading feminist writing it's Miller time for me all right, in order to purify myself!
No...I would say instead that feminist writing transforms my brain into pure mud - or even worse, a thick dead block of solid cement!
Weak parents = Weak kids
Abusive parents = Abusive kids
And so on...
Our kids are just a reflection of our society. The old saying, It takes a village to raise a kid is true.
Just look at our society in the mirror. We are everything the founding fathers despised.
Murderers (600,000+ Iraq)
Thieves (Stealing oil, land, ect)
Usurers ($40 Trillion N-Debt)
Gluttons (%60+ Obese)
Unpatriotic (Allowing Bush...)
Perverts (Porn everywhere, ect)
And so on it goes...
We’ve created this toxic environment for kids to grow up in.
Of course our kids are going to be screwed up.
Monkey see, monkey do.
As a father of 2 daughters I see no difference in bringing-up boys or girls.
Children have to understand, that they have to be modest in their demands, respectful and obedient to their parents - they have also to learn how to refuse orders from strangers for their own security. They have to accept, that bad behaviour will result in punishment. And so on...
A boy should know how to make his own sandwich, if mother is not feeling well, and a girl should know, how to use a screwdriver or a hammer, while father is still outside for work.
What is the difference between education/discipline for boys or girls by their parents?
I see no difference.
@ unchartered thoughts
We’ve created this toxic environment for kids to grow up in.
Of course our kids are going to be screwed up.
Monkey see, monkey do.
I completely agree. Children are a reflection of their environment.
@ yohan
I agree Yohan. There should be no difference in the things they are taught and the discipline they recieve. They should also recieve the same amount of affection, praise and attention. The difference, IMO, is in the parents/educators understanding of them. How many boys are punished for being too loud, too rambunctious, too messy? Not only punished but diagnosed with ADHD and medicated. I've fought with this for years. The school administration has recommended more than once that I have my oldest son tested for ADHD. Keep in mind that he does well in school, he gets good grades, he's happy and active and well-adjusted socially. However, since he has a hard time sitting still and his mind does have the tendency to wander on occassion, they feel he should be tested. Imagine, medicating my son, who's normal in every way, simply for being a boy. We need to teach them the same values and principles, uphold the same rules and discipline, adminster the same amount of love and affection, but I think we also need to keep in mind their differences while raising them.
Kim,
ADHD has signs like:
inability to pay attention to details or a tendency to make careless errors in schoolwork or other activities,
avoidance or dislike of tasks that require mental effort,
tendency to lose things like toys, notebooks or homework,
distractibility,
forgetfulness in daily activities...
What you are writing about your son sounds rather different.
Just my opinion, why not to test it out with a medical doctor, of course without informing the school administration?
Testing does not mean medicating.
If the result is negative, it will be easy for you in future to argue with those teachers.
-----
I am happy to notice the coming-up of female voices - like your new blog - of mostly married mothers with husband and son, who are openly questioning all these feminist nonsense-studies about boys-girls and single mothers.
It is difficult nowadays to talk about relationship between parents (=father+mother) and children (=sons+daughters).
'Family' means for feminists nothing but violent husbands, poor beaten-up wives, sexually abused girls and mentally sick boys...
I am a 16 year old daughter of a healthy family environment. There are obvious differences in the upbringing of my brother and I. Every male and female have their obvious differences, and needs that should be dealt with accordingly. That's a part of "Good Parenting". Which I hope everyone who has a daughter or a son realizes. However, I don't think that society treats males or females any differently based on normal behaviors. (If a girl is acting violently and irrationally, her punishment and on-look from society will be the same as a boy who acts similarly.)
I percieve that society may hold certain standards for a daughter to uphold if she is to fit in with other daughters of society. But, it is the duty of a GOOD parent to teach the children (no matter what sex) of right and wrong. Of being a kind person rather then a tempestuous wretch; is all part of a good upbringing. If any child wavers on their morals, it is the direct responsibility of the parents, not society's evil hold. Of course it is easy for a teenager, like myself, to be influenced by the media, but I can only owe my parents the credit for my good-and bad-behavior.
If society is to be better as a whole, we must start with every family individually, take a step as a moral leader in your own home. You lead, and we will follow.
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